Here we are again, with news of the brain scan Samuel had yesterday. (Those of you on CaringBridge will already know this.)
This latest MRI brought results we didn’t want. “Samuel does have several areas of metastatic disease in various areas of his brain, with nodules as large as 3×2 cm” (from the CaringBridge post of last night). The cancer is spreading at an aggressive pace, though not as fast as doctors initially warned. Amazingly, Samuel is still feeling relatively well, and for that we are thankful. Now more than ever, we treasure every day God gives us with him, even as we must face the reality of “end of life” issues.
It feels like the grieving has started all over again. We grieved at the initial diagnosis and prognosis, but then there was the interlude of relative “normalcy” and Samuel’s increasing strength. People around the world have been praying. Hope for a miracle grew in our hearts, but it now seems it was not the miracle of physical healing that God has been preparing. And we grieve again — not in hopelessness, but because this was not God’s original intent for all of us, the world was not meant to be this way. And grieving helps us see God’s heart more clearly as He grieves with us and far more deeply than we can.
Honestly, it hurts. We don’t have the answers we’d like to have, which we may never have in this life. We ache for Brent and Susan, dealing with something no parents expect to face. We ache for Samuel. But we cling to our Shepherd, who has not abandoned Samuel, nor his parents or siblings, nor our family. He knows the road ahead; we don’t. We know we can trust Him, no matter what our feelings tell us. Pray that all of us will trust Him, wherever this road leads.
One of God’s great means of comforting us in this time of pain is praise. “He Will Hold Me Fast” (Getty), “Christ our Hope in Life and Death” (Getty), and “The Lord’s My Shepherd” (Stuart Townend) are three songs that have become special to us, combining the power of Scriptural truth with incredibly beautiful music to strengthen our souls and inspire us to follow Him no matter what. We commend them to you for your encouragement as well.
Thank you, dear friends and loved ones, for your love, your prayer support, your personal encouragement in so many ways. We are blessed beyond measure. Thank you for walking this journey with us, even as we know many of you are walking through dark valleys of your own.
“Let him who walks in darkness and has no light
TRUST in the name of the Lord and RELY on his God.” (Isa. 50:10b)
Trusting through tears,
George & Kathy